Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
