Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
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LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
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I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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