My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Randomize
