did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
