I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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