another moral hangover. fuck.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
