she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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