I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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