shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
