After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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