Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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