it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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