New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
