Cold hands, warm shart.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Randomize