I have demons in me.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i drank out of a bidet.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
