this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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