She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Drake has all the answers
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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