I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
