did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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