Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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