it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
