somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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