you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
