I'm so fucking centered right now
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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