We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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