he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
