I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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