She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
