I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
