I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
