I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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