sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
