Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
