Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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