maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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