why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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