Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
