guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
