i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
