the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
