He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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