and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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