i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
