I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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