You can't special order awesome
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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