Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
