you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
