I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
only you would photoshop your dick
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
