I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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