Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
