he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
thus making me awesome and them whores
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
