That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
