i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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