I'm really into asian looking animals
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
