You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
