worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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