Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Randomize
