I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
