His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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