please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
