the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
