If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
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So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
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Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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