Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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