Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
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i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
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THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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