it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
