True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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