his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
