My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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