Plan B is the new Plan A
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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