:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
