I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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