This house was built for laser tag.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
