Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
