She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
