and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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