So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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